THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i dont even know how to be here
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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