just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I wear drunk well.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
