Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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