TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
