how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
