not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
