Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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