You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
