I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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