i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
