her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
