No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just forgot I was standing up.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
