hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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