Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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