I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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