I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
