Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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