wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Say something about gay babies.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
