Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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