i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
