I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Couch. On fire.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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