What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
