i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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