Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
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he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
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Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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