You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
