I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
