omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
