Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
