ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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