How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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