You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize