i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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