We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
