No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
