I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
