So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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