It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
