can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
