____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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