he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
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i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
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I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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