Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
