you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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