dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think I am morally bankrupt
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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