She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
