Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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