she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
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I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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