Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
