I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
