is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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