my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
this hospital has no fireball
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
