Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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