what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
