so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
