Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
