I think I won the penis lottery.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
