It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
