I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
