I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
