Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
