did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
