guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
