fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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