I think I just saw someone hide a body.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
