woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
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I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
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He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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