Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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