My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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