Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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