3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
