His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
