i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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