Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
