Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
