hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
