Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
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After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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