so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
