This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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