she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
