I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
How external is "for external use only"?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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