who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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